Archive for the ‘counselling’ Category

Relationship Conflict – how to deal with the stress it can cause?

Monday, March 24th, 2014

Facing or dealing with conflict within a relationship, which may ultimately lead to it’s breakdown, can be very stressful and emotionally draining, to say the least.  It can also impact on the rest of the family. Also, what can add to the angst is when you choose to blame yourself for the breakdown, or others are pointing the blame at you.

Having the right support in place is crucial, yet sometimes talking to friends and family members can create even further confusion.  Therefore, it is important that you and your partner/spouse consider ways in which you can deal with the situation you are facing.  Yet, how can this happen if communication has broken down or if one partner chooses to leave?

First of all, it’s important to take time out to calm down, assess your thoughts and then decide how you are going to deal with it.  Talking certainly helps, especially when you are angry and upset.   Yet, some people find it hard to talk about how they really feel, for fear of being judged  or criticized i.e. “I told you so”.  Anyone who chooses to treat you in this way is of no help to you at all, and you need to avoid them. 

Instead talking to a professional therapist can certainly help.  He or she will provide you with a safe and confidential space to offload your thoughts and relinquish feelings of hurt, anger, frustration, bitterness and heartache.  In doing so, you will be amazed at how much better you will start to feel. Also, talking to someone who ‘understands’ and who can empathise with you will help you to make sense of the situation you are in and eventually, you will start to feel more confident about the choices and decisions you need to make.

Breaking up is hard to do, but I find that for some couples, who still love each other, entering into therapy, being able to talk things through in a ‘neutral space’ away from the earshot of their children, certainly helps them to come to terms with what has happened and find ways in which to overcome the difficulties they are facing.

Getting the right help and support as soon as you can will also help you to avoid sinking into depression.  Too often, by the time a person decides to seek help, they are already depressed and may have had to resort to taking anti-depressants.  Therefore, the quicker you can get the right support, the quicker you will start to take control of your life and decide the best course of action.

So, if you are facing conflict in a relationship or the prospect of a divorce or separation, do something about it NOW before it starts to have a major impact on your health and wellbeing.

How to avoid the post-Christmas blues?

Thursday, January 9th, 2014

Presents have been exchanged, socializing with friends and family has been great fun, if not maybe somewhat challenging?! The Christmas tree and decorations have all been put away, you’ve probably eaten and drank to excess, but hey who cares, Christmas comes but once a year RIGHT?!

Nevertheless, when you start to count the cost of the festive holiday season, it can soon bring you down to earth with a bump, which is why most people dread the month of January.  However, it does’nt have to be so bad……

Instead of getting yourself down over the state of the weather conditions, the concerns about the credit card bill coming through your door, or the lack of cash flow, simply take some time out to plan some fun times throughout the month?

I make a point of arranging get-togethe’s with friends, some of whom I may not have got to see over the festive period.  Taking regular exercise, (and it does’nt have to mean forcing yourself into the gym 5 times a week, to lose those festive pounds), releases those happy chappies called ‘endorphins’ into your blood stream that help to make you feel good.  Walking out in nature always uplifts the spirit and when you do it with your partner, spouse or friends, it can be even more fun.

January is always a good time to take an inventory of your life too.  Consider what you have achieved so far, give yourself a pat on the back.  Rather than chide yourself for not achieving as much, consider what steps you can take to make some positive changes in your life throughout the coming year?  It may be changing career, starting a new hobby, planning a special holiday or joining a course to learn something new.

Whatever you decide to do, choose to have fun doing it, choose to be happy rather than dwell on any past mistakes or worry too much about what the future may hold.  The past is past, the future is yet to come and each day is a gift so live each day in the present and enjoy being you!

Jayne Briggs

 

Managing change efficiently and effectively!

Thursday, June 6th, 2013

When faced with imminent change, rather than allow fear to kick in, why not embrace the idea of ‘new and infinite possibilities’?

Whether you choose to believe it or not, YOU are the creator of your own reality. Therefore, rather than allow yourself to feel like you are on a ‘sinking ship’ or spending too much time considering the ‘yes buts’, or the ‘what ifs’ – ‘grab the bull by the horns’ and make up your mind on how you are going to start to adapt to the changes that are taking place. What choices do you have? Are there any avenues you have not considered or alternative choices/ideas you have not thought about?

Use your time effectively and efficiently to manage the changes by the use of the 3 ‘P’s':-

Plan
Prioritize and
Prepare

Whatever you do, avoid Procrastinating, Catastrophizing and Awfulizing! Give yourself time to process what maybe changing or has changed, be kind to yourself and do not allow worry, fear and anxiety to kick in. Instead, be happy in the knowledge that you are still alive, that you still have so many things in your life to be grateful for and that whatever happens, you will be ok and you will survive!

Your life is a Gift, so live it in the present moment, stay in the here and now in enjoy every single second of it. Spend some time in quiet contemplation and then start re-creating your life, decide who you want to be and how you want your life to look. Don’t worry about the how’s, just have fun doing it. START TODAY!